As I sat here tonight, struggling with the emotions dragged up by a recent message from an old hurt, and simply with the everyday chaos that is my hyper children who never seem to be able to sleep before sunrise no matter how badly I want and need them too, I suddenly was reminded of one of the most tried and true ways to help me let His peace take over for me. Worship. Particularly in the form of singing.
I was browsing my facebook news feed in between pauses of a show I was trying to watch on-line (my internet tends to drag lol), and I came across this…
At first, I just smiled at the reminder of a timeless favorite of mine, hit the share button, and went on with my mindless surfing while trying to get my mind off all the stress from being tired amongst very awake boys, and the emotional struggle I mentioned earlier. Lately my strategy for dealing with these nights/situations has been to push through it as best I can, ignore as much as possible, and do everything I can to distract my mind from it. To be honest, it’s not working.
Tonight though, when my video once again paused for more buffering, I went back to my facebook feed and refreshed it. My sharing of the above post was on top and suddenly I just wanted to sing it. So I did.
My boys were playing and making their usual stimming noises and other things, my heart was still feeling the weight of the emotions that were dragged back up to the surface, and I was still way too tired to be doing anything, let alone singing. But I still sang. And you know what? It felt good. : ) And as I sang, the boys quieted down and came over, my heart let go of it’s tangled grief for a moment, and my voice strengthened with each line softly and sweetly sang.
It didn’t solve all the world’s problems and it didn’t magically fix all the pain or make my boys capable of sleeping at night again, but it did do something wonderfully worthwhile. It helped bring back His peace. I felt it slowly sweep over me just like it always used to do.
I know it’s not practical to say I will sing now every time I feel stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or feel like there is too much on my plate, and to be honest, I know that even if I did say that, I wouldn’t follow through too well on it. I can say though that I will be getting out my old song book again. I wont be neglecting the personal and spiritual value of simply lifting a quiet song of praise, worship, or remembrance up to Him. I have let this truth and reality slip away from me far too easily and far too often. Yet every time by His mercy that I am reminded of it again, it brings with it the same sustaining and refreshing power it always has before.
When I was younger, there was a time it could have been said one couldn’t stop me from singing. I was seemingly always in song. And not just the silly made up ones like what I still do, but also random breaking out into worship and praise songs, simply because they came to mind, or because I needed some extra peace, or I wanted to express my joy. I miss that side of me… and tonight, I am starting a journey to try and get it back.