These last few days have been emotionally overwhelming for me, but mostly in a good way. My dad, whom I haven’t seen in well over 16 years, has come to town to visit me and meet my boys. We’ve been maintaining contact for a few years now through mail and here recently a phone call or two and a handful of e-mails, but seeing him in person again is a whole new experience and it’s one I am extremely grateful for.
He keeps telling me he is such a lucky guy to have me, but in all honesty I feel like I am the one most blessed by all this. Being rejected by a good majority of my family growing up and into adulthood, struggling with all that comes with not feeling loved and being told repeatedly that one is not even wanted, fighting away the tears and brokenness that comes with being so alone even with family right there… I honestly believe I needed him as much as he did me.
To finally be held in someone’s arms again and feel their kiss on my head and their hand stroke my hair with gentleness. To be hugged tight and smiled at. To be comforted when I am struggling. To be told I make someone proud. To be repeatedly told how important, courageous, cherished, appreciated, LOVED I am. To be repeatedly reminded that the love is unconditional and I can’t mess this up and don’t have to be afraid of losing it. To be able to know it has always been this way, even when we couldn’t see each other. I haven’t felt this loved, this cherished, this accepted and wanted since I lost my dear Grandma Jane.
Yes… I am definitely feeling most lucky and blessed here. I have cherished his letters for years and I counted our phone calls precious to me, but to be in his arms and to see him smile at me… To feel his hugs and to simply even get to hang out with him and get to know him more and share my life with him…
These last few days have definitely been emotionally overwhelming for me. But in a good way. : )
I love you Dad! Thank-you so much for loving me! : )