Here we go…

girl at windowI’ve been struggling a lot emotionally lately and have kept most of those struggles beneath my hat as much as possible.  I have a painful past, most of it connected to being abandoned and the resulting failed marriage, but I have never truly felt welcome or even comfortable really get out the pain and the struggle that I am having to work through because of all of it.  Sure a bit of surface talk here or there, enough to meet “requirements” or to quiet down the questions, but outside of  a precious few times, I haven’t really shared the bigger picture.  The pain behind the smiling face so to speak…

I started to share a post here that poured a bit of my heart out, but I will be honest in saying I couldn’t find the courage to hit the “publish” button so it could be seen.  It’s sitting in my drafts section actually…

SadAnimeGirlThen, a friend shared a quote that made me think of that old and priceless hymn and I managed to share a brief window into some of the painful memories that grip me from time to time.  To be honest, I was scared to hit publish on that one too but somehow found the courage.  Thank-you to those of you who have liked the post and commented.  Both here and in messages.

Tonight was my support group that I go to.  The lessons taught there and the people I have met have truly been instrumental and key to me coming as far as I have so far.  Sometimes though, I just can’t bring myself to fully share what’s on my heart.  Especially in the area of past memories and the current pain coming from them…  A friend that I talked to tonight after group encouraged me to keep sharing here.  To give myself a voice.  To give my heart a voice…  And I think I am going to take her up on it.

There will still be some lighthearted and unrelated posts here and there.

1) I can’t completely focus on this stuff or I will fall into depression

2) Even though this part of my life weighs heavily on me, it’s still not all there is to me.  Especially as I continue to heal from it all.

And of course there is also still my main blog that focuses on my son and our life with Autism so there is obviously going to be some variety over there.  I’m taking on a lot of writing. lol  I know this will be good for me though, so I am going to do my best to go with it and see where it takes me.

Also, I will be sharing more music on this blog.  Music can sometimes speak my heart more clearly than I ever could…

To those of you willing to walk along side me (or at least my blog) in this journey, I thank you.  Here we go…

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6 thoughts on “Here we go…

  1. I’ve always said music touches part of us that words can never get to. Listen to Not Alone by Red. It helped me at one of my darkest times.

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